Whether it was a Facebook chat left open or a suggestive Twitter direct message, the signs of cheating are just as transparent as they are vivid, no matter how hard the cheater tries to cover it up. We’ve heard a tragic story or two about the great lengths one goes just for a night or many nights of pleasure-escape. After the deceit, burning of clothes, crying and punching of walls, what’s next? Should the victim of infidelity walk around hopelessly angry? Or should one take it upon themselves to alleviate their pain with forgiveness? Should cheaters be forgiven? Yes.
What is defined as cheating is dependent upon the relationship. Often times we consume ourselves with others’ love stories and thus become blind to the scandals happening in our own. As Americans we are constantly checking our timelines or staying on the current events of celebrities. The consumption has become so unhealthy that, according to Jo Piazza’s article “Americans Have an Unhealthy Obsession with Celebrities,” she said that we often blindly follow celebrities advice. Whether that’s watching Rihanna burn a man clothes as she asks him to take a bow or listen to Jazmine Sullivan telling her love of five years that she bust the windows out his car. Both of which seem fulfilling at the time, but end up proving to be more destructive than constructive.
Understandably, the pain and difficulty it takes to not allow the rage of hurt persuade you that revenge is okay. Forgiveness is not an easy journey. Nonetheless, cheaters should not be kept from forgiveness. Dr. Paula Bloom’s article “The Toxic (and Intoxicating) Effects of Resentment” speaks on the toxicity of not forgiving and how that will lead to resentment. She also goes on to say, “I think people often are reluctant to forgive because they somehow feel that if they forgive, then they are excusing the bad behavior…[that] it justifies what that person did.”
Once people understand that forgiveness is a personal act that pertains to one’s own pain and struggle, the efforts to forgive will come more easily. Dr. Bloom makes an argument that our minds are like a magnifying glass. Whatever we focus on will expand. So would you rather harbor the pain or focus on happiness?
Whether you chose to forgive or not, then what? The common phrase “everyone cheats” probably still lingers in the back of your mind. According to a survey conducted by Tom W. Smith, director of the General Social Survey for the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, the rate of cheating has been pretty consistent. So not everyone is cheating nor does everyone want to. Don’t allow the pain in one situation transgress into another.
Forgiving someone allows you to accept and understand what happened, to learn and move forward in a positive direction.
So don’t harass the cheater’s accomplice, don’t bash them over social media and especially don’t wait for an apology because you might not get an embarrassingly publicized Kristen Stewart love declaration. Instead of crying a river, make a bridge and get over it. Find the good in goodbye.
