SATIRE: What your driving instructor did not tell you about surviving on the Atlanta highway

The road can be a scary place — but with the help of a driving instructor, whether it be a teacher or guardian, a student can quickly pick up many rules of the road. However, there are several rules that a driving instructor simply will not teach that are essential to one’s highway survival.

In Atlanta traffic, drivers rarely — if ever — use their turn signals. Blinkers are known as a sign of weakness and therefore should be avoided at all costs. Those who do use their turn signals must be shunned and not allowed to reach their desired lane. If one comes across a blinker on the road, simply speed up to quickly put them behind traffic.

This leads to another rule of the road — smile and wave. When someone is kind and lets others merge, it is mandatory to wave and thank them. Southern hospitality is no laughing matter in Atlanta, and if one does not show gratitude to the driver behind them, their roadside neighbors will not be pleased.

This rule also allows for one not to use their signal — simply smile and wave in the general direction of this turn.

Atlanta drivers should never forget the proper speed to drive while in the far-left lane of any major road. If one is to be in the left lane, the unspoken rule of the road is to drive at least thirty miles over the speed limit or risk being harassed by local weekend racers. Atlanta sets the rules, not the law.

Perhaps the most important rule involves stoplights. Stoplights are quite an easy concept to grasp, even for children who do not drive — red means stop, green means go. However, yellow is debatable by many.

Once the light turns from green to yellow, it is standard to apply significant pressure to the gas pedal and speed through the intersection instead of slowing down – as long as it is safe. This unspoken rule has allowed many drivers to make it to their destination several minutes faster. If one does not choose to break the sound barrier zipping through a yellow light, they break this sacred unspoken rule.

“At first when I started driving, it was hard for me to determine when to, and when not to, speed through a yellow light,” sophomore Tara Hurston said. “But with everything in life, I got used to it over time.”

Another unspoken rule of the road is flashing the car’s headlights at oncoming traffic, notifying them that there is a cop ahead. It is courteous to flash lights at the traffic going towards the cop as it lets them know to slow down in the upcoming area to avoid tickets.

From one fellow speeder to another, this unspoken rule has saved many from speeding tickets.

Driving instructors may not teach these rules, but they will be used quite often by native Atlanta drivers. Sometimes the greatest teachers end up being others around you — which is the reason these unspoken rules exist today.

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