SATIRE: Netflix is superior to summer travel

When the “watch it again” section of Netflix displays shows in the triple digits, you know that summer 2019 exceeded all expectations. This proves just how much someone can accomplish when they are not going to the beach or traveling to Europe.

While some may have the goal of seeing different countries or laying seaside for their summer, others are much more ambitious with their summer goals. Only the most highly motivated binge watchers make viewing as many shows as possible their top priority when the spring semester ended back in early May.

Instead of engaging in traveling, surfing and seeing historical monuments that nobody wants to see, the smartest of students will partake in watching the new season of “Stranger Things” before any spoilers get leaked. Nobody wants to watch only one episode a night anyway. Real fans will knock the whole season out in one sitting while their classmates, unfortunately, have to endure swimming at the beach in Panama City.

These unlucky individuals are busy roasting in the sun and harming their skin instead of being nice and cool in an air-conditioned room watching Archie and Veronica rekindle their love on “Riverdale.” Nobody in their right mind would want to risk a sunburn when your skin could glow in the light of a TV screen instead.

If someone is sitting their fanny on the beach, they cannot have Netflix’s algorithm recommend shows and movies they would like without a large sample size of shows already seen. It would be a tragedy to have to manually search for a show you like one night instead of finding the type of show you like because Netflix knows you better than your significant other.

In addition to missing out on Colt and Abby attempting to make ends meet and their marriage together on the newest installment of “The Ranch,” those traveling the world are emptying their pockets of money they could be using for snacks to enjoy while binging Netflix. Besides, it is much more cost-effective to use a friend’s Netflix subscription for free instead of wasting money on trying new beer in Ireland.

Students can learn much more about politics in shows such as “Designated Survivor” than they would actually meeting politicians in D.C. Nobody wants to hear what politicians have to say anyway — that is why the president’s comments about immigration get far less airtime than Eliza Taylor talking about the relationship Clarke and Bellamy have on “The 100.”

Going for a ride on a roller coaster at Six Flags does not even compare to the thrill one can get from watching a horror film at 3 a.m. while home alone in a city known for its high crime rate.

If a person laid in bed all day watching Netflix like a functioning member of society, they would be much more knowledgeable of the world around them. In addition, they would understand the references in this article.

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