Georgia winter has finally passed, yet students are hit with another season that is rarely known to the rest of the country. It is the time the skies turn a sulfite yellow and sneezes are louder than your self-deprecating, intrusive thoughts. Luckily, the Centers for Disease Control has announced that donning a hazmat suit and cutting down any trees in sight will keep students safe from the yellow devil endearingly known as pollen.
During pollen season, cars turn yellow, eyes become puffy and southerners dash to their nearest Piggly Wiggly to buy Benedryl and tissues to get them through the next several weeks.
Just like grocery stores, prepper stores are bombarded with frenzied students and moms trying to get their hands on any remaining hazmat suits possible. One KSU student was lucky enough to get her hands on a hazmat suit just in time for finals.
“I used to have the worst allergies in past springs, but ever since I bought my handy dandy hazmat suit, I have been happily attending college classes and avoiding pollen,” senior environmental science major April Showers said. “Recently, I’ve been thinking about updating my suit from Level C to Level A, just to ensure extra protection. We do live in the south, after all.”
Channel 2 Action News recently reported that there has been a shortage of hazmat suits and urged audiences to rush to the store as soon as possible. Plastic tarps and duct tape can also be used to make a DIY alternative to a Level A hazmat suit.
However, if living inside a plastic suit for the spring is not your cup of tea, there is another solution to this problem.
It has been said by many that the way to eradicate a problem is to destroy the source. Since pollen originates from most flowers and trees, we can alleviate the pollen issue by getting rid of all the plants on campus.
Students should start by removing the trees located near the Campus Green, where most of the events at KSU are held. With those plants no longer spreading their yellow specks of torment, students, staff and visitors will be free to resume their pleasant, daily outside activities.
“I have to admit, the no plants idea really works for allergies,” junior philosophy major Mae Flowers said. “My family had to get rid of the plants around our house because we lost our hazard suits. Ever since we cut down the trees and flowers, my family and I have been able to breathe much easier. It’s only natural that we do the same thing to the campus.”
Snotty, miserable times are ahead for KSU students unless immediate action is taken against the pollen. By wearing hazmats suits and cutting down campus greenery, students are sure to survive this pollen season.
