By Daniel Lumpkin, News Editor • Carley Cole, Staff Writer • Roderic Graham, Staff Writer
On Feb. 10, The Sentinel began an undercover investigation of SeekingArrangement.com, a dating website that pairs college students looking for financial assistance with older men and women who are willing to pay tuition in exchange for a romantic relationship.
For nearly a month, two Sentinel staff writers used “Sugar Baby” accounts on SeekingArrangement to learn the true nature of the dating website and to see if the site should be considered a new piece of the sex industry.
“Our connecting factor may not be seen as innocent,” SeekingArrangement’s public relations manager, Angela Jacob Bermudo said. “It’s so foreign to see a relationship where the financial aspect is front and center.”
“To try to label [Sugar Babies] as sex workers is completely unfair… The sex industry is an exchange of sex or sexual favors for cash. SeekingArrangement is the exchange of companionship for cash.”
For people like Kasey McClure, a relationship that is centered on a financial agreement is not foreign or new. McClure is the founder of 4Sarah Inc., a faith-based, non-profit in Atlanta that is dedicated to helping women and girls who are involved in the sex industry.
“Companionship leads to sex,” McClure said. “There is a reason why prostitution is considered the world’s oldest profession. This isn’t something new.”
In order to cover this story fairly and accurately,The Sentinel assigned twostaff writers to sign up for “Sugar Baby” accounts on SeekingArrangement.com. This is their story.
Undercover: Carley Cole
What at first appeared as a harmless website for dating quickly began to feel like an arena for prostitution as I began my journey undercover on Seeking Arrangement. When I first set up my fake account under the name Mary, I doubted the likelihood of receiving any messages from potential sugar daddies. Especially considering the picture I posted had my facial features blurred for privacy reasons.
The message that greeted me at the sign-up page read, “Have you ever had an affair with a politician?”The website explained that it was simply interested in getting to know my dating preferences. At first, this seemed funny, yet as my experience continued, I realized just how disturbing this website really was. SeekingArrangement thrived on situations that most of society has deemed unacceptable and immoral. Having an affair, sleeping around with strangers, and exchanging money for sex is the foundation of this business.
The morning after I registered, I received 26 emails from sugar daddies seeking a companion. Within five days I had received 90, and when I deleted my account on Feb. 28, there were 150 messages in my inbox. Many of the messages were alike, and asked me to reply if I were interested. However, the amount of messages I received that were inappropriate, deeming, and sexual in nature began to make me feel overwhelmed and emotional.
In these messages, there was no respect or thoughtfulness. Men were using their money to gain the affection of both young and old women.
Most of the sugar daddies on this site were men seeking a sexual partner to satisfy them a couple times a month, whenever they were on business trips to the area, or when their wives weren’t paying attention. On my profile, I indicated that I was searching for someone to help pay my college expenses, which are of course not cheap. Sugar daddies seemed to have no problem giving me thousands of dollars for a long term or short term companionship.
When a very eager sugar daddy messaged me multiple times, I decided to email him back and ask him what type of arrangement he was looking for and what his past arrangements were like. “I usually have 2 SBs (Sugar Babies),” said the user. “I date 8-10 times per month and see each SB 3-5 times a month.” The user was not shy with his messages. He sent me his email, phone number, and the phone number of his previous SB.
“Don’t be naïve when you go into a SB/SD relationship,” stated the Sugar Daddy. “It’s almost always 100 percent about sex for the SD.”
For a website that claims to be about mutual relationships and benefactors and not about sex for money, most of the Sugar Daddies seemed to be entirely concerned with sex. “Stay away from the guys offering $1000 to $2000 just to visit,” he stated. “They are either perverts, scammers, traffickers, or cops in most cases.”
The main question concerning this website is, “What constitutes companionship?” Prostitution is defined as directly exchanging money for sex, and the administrators of Seeking Arrangement claim that no such exchange ever happens. The messages I received made me question this claim.
The sugar daddy I previously mentioned also advised me to get tested for STDs every 90 days along with my sugar daddy. He also stated, “If the relationship is strictly about sex and compensation, keep it simple.” He advised me to agree upon an amount of money before I had sex with a sugar daddy.
The detailed messages I received always mentioned sex. It was clear that the type of companionship these men desired was sex, and in turn, they would pay me for it.
If this website is so dangerous, why are membership rates of sites like these increasing every day? In an interview with the Huffington Post in 2011, Brandon Wade, the entrepreneur of SeekingArrangement, stated that much of his recent campaigning is focused towards college students with significant amounts of debt. Wade, who was quoted in a SeekingArrangement press release saying that being a Sugar Baby “empowers women”, even offers free premium membership for users that register with a .edu email address and includes a stamp on their profile indicating they are a college sugar baby. It seems that as the costs of college continues to rise, the amount of students looking for financial help within these websites will increase also. What seems like the only option for some financially burdened women is really an opportunity for men to take advantage of vulnerable women.
Empowerment
McClure said that part of what attracted her to the sex industry, besides the money, in the first place was feeling empowered. “It is empowering,” McClure said. “Most girls get into this life and it’s fun. Men pay attention to you, there is a party lifestyle, [and] you have nice things. The girls think ‘This guy is going to take care of me’ but they don’t think about who the guy really is. He could be married. He could have kids. “For some of these girls, they are looking for an older man’s attention because they had a bad relationship with their father. I know for me, I was always dating older men because I was looking for a father figure.”
But what about male Sugar Babies?
Undercover: Roderic Graham
For two weeks my profile experienced no activity, besides an occasional increase in my profile views. There are only 16 choices of women to choose from within a 50 miles radius of Atlanta and only two women had recent activity on their profile. I wasn’t surprised at the lack of messages because there are only “100 male sugar babies for only 1 sugar mommy,” according to SeekingArrangement during registration.
I tried several things that would initiate a message from a sugar mommy. I changed my picture, title of my profile and even matched the description of my profile with sugar mommy who “wants someone available to help them unwind.” To no avail, I was unable to elicit a response from a sugar mommy.
The women listed under sugar mommies were between the ages of 19 and 56. Younger women, who were between the ages of 19 and 24, were looking to be spoiled and fit the description of a sugar baby. Ironically, the oldest woman in the sugar mommy category was 56 and interested in being a sugar baby. The oldest, actual sugar mommy in the Atlanta area was 50 years old and wanted a sugar baby for “fun and erotic with NSA (No Strings Attached).”
Most sugar mommies had incomes ranged between less than $50,000- over $1 million and were willing to set up minimal to moderate arrangements with the proper suitor. Many women stated they were looking for companionship, but were not shy about soliciting sex.
There are over 8,000 males listed as sugar babies in the Atlanta area ranging from the age of 18-35. Male sugar babies are logged in more frequently and many of them are searching for both Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies. Many sugar baby profiles included a sexy picture, usually shirtless if male, and said things like “looking for someone who can spoil me in every way possible.” In the terms of agreement, it states “if you are an escort, please do not join this website.”
I was baffled because many sugar mommies/daddies are willing to pay for sexual service by willing young participants. Furthermore, there are sugar babies seeking to exchange sex for cash. Seekingarrangement.com describes the relationship between sugar babies and their benefactors as a “beautiful thing”. According to the website, all successful relationships are beneficial to both people and one must be willing to give just as much as he or she gets in return. Many, not all, Sugar babies, put a price tag on their self-respect and auction it off to the highest bidder.
My experience as a sugar baby on seekingarrangements.com was unfulfilling, but I was able to get a glimpse at what it takes to be a sugar baby. The process to pair up with a potential sugar mommy/daddy is difficult and maintaining the relationship can be a challenge. Seekingarrangement.com is more for sugar daddies seeking male or female sugar babies.
SeekingArrangement Looking Forward?
As far as the legality of SeekingArrangement, Bermudo stated that the dating website has not received any legal challenges since the site began in 2006.
McClure, during an interview with The Sentinel, believes that the site could start attracting young girls preparing to enter college.
“A possible next step is the site becoming a place for younger girls,” McClure said. “And the demographic fits, too,” she added. “The Sugar Daddies I see on this site are older, white males. That is not only the leading demographic for sexual assaults, but also child sex crimes.”
Further information about Kasey McClure’s non-profit, 4Sarah Inc. can be found at 4sarah.net.
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Some messages we received
What do you like? I like great food, good drinks, wines, Grey Goose, Patron, live theatre, movies, concerts, music in clubs, sporting events, just chilling out, cooking, shopping, making money and sex.
How are you doing? You are a crazy sexy girl with a stunning smile so I had to at least say hi. I am definitely interested so looking forward to hearing back. Let’s talk soon because I have a feeling we definitely are looking for the same things to enjoy life.
Are you ok with an older, married man? If so, let’s talk.
I’m hoping to find someone to connect with on a conversational, intellectual, and fun level in addition to the sexual level. So, I guess I’m sort of looking for a girlfriend for the week that I’m in town and I have a strong preference to see the same person every time I’m out there. My preference is to find someone more on the submissive side since I have been described as very dominant.
I am a great looking 45yr old business executive. I am looking to spoil a sexy, classy, fun lady. I love spending money and having fun.
[I] am a sweet and nice normal man who needs some spice. [N]ot a stalker or creep, but pretty fit and youthful for my age. [I] can keep up, trust me. Hope to hear back.
Hey babe. I’m lonely in Atlanta Buckhead tonight. Love to meet.
I am looking to spoil a sexy, classy, fun lady. I love spending money [and] having fun. Send me your email address and I can send you my pictures, you won’t be disappointed!
I am a more dominant man intimately. Not looking to dominate someone who isn’t so inclined… but if you appreciate a very sensual and dominant man… one who knows how to respect all women, I think you will like me. Care to go to Nashville to see the Brad Paisley concert this coming weekend?
I am looking for something a little different than most guys on here, and I am not looking for sex in an arrangement at all. Basically I have a foot fetish and have always had an attraction towards feet on women lol. As strange as it may sound I am looking for an arrangement in which you would actually get paid to get foot massages and have attention paid to your feet.
Understand the agreement – Don’t be naïve when you go into a SB/SD relationship. It’s almost 100% about sex for the SD. Have a frank, honest discussion before you agree to any arrangement as to what he expects from you. The discussion should include his sexual interests, has he ever had a STD, WHEN was he last tested, is there any strange, painful or other sexual activities he enjoys that don’t fit into your sex life. Do not let him tie you up before you’ve had numerous meetings. Compensation – It is difficult, without feeling like a prostitute, to work out the compensation for being with you. This relationship is ALWAYS mutually beneficial. Ideally, you can express a range of compensation that may include shopping, dining, travel, concerts, sporting events or other activities along with some cash for your personal needs. The total amount you would normally expect to receive should be based on a range of $250 to $300 per VISIT for time spent in bed.
Tell me about yourself! Here are four fun questions… 1) What is your favorite thanksgiving dish? 2) Favorite time of day? 3) Opinion of Fifty Shades of Gray, and handcuffs? 4) Can you walk in high heels? (And do you complain about them being uncomfortable?) New to Atlanta[.] [L]ooking for a princess to spoil[.] [T]ake shopping[.] [P]ay her bills[.] [W] Would u be interested[?] [I] can send a pic[.] [C]all or text me so we can discuss[.]
Unfortunately, some guys give the rest of us a bad name. Main thing is always get the money first before you give of yourself.
Hey, I absolutely adored your profile and was hoping we could chat more. Please forgive me for not having a photo but I prefer to email those off the site for reasons I’m sure you could understand. If you’re up for chatting more I would love to start spoiling you :).
Take a look at my profile. It is probably not what you are looking for, but if “bi” some chance you might have interest, please let me know. I would love to give it to you… the arrangement that is.
Your profile is good… Be fun to show you some nice things and even make your life easier…. Let’s get to know each other better. Please feel free to text me.
I am in Atlanta for work want to hang out? I will be at the downtown Hilton…
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