It is a question that plagues mankind at 15, 20, 30 and 50 years of age. How old is indeed too old to enjoy Halloween by walking house to house holding open a bag for candy to be given?
Well there are three ways of determining the age. Method number one: multiply your age by your height, divide that by the weight of your costume, square that number, then multiply the answer by the number of medals won by your country of origin in the last Olympic Games. Method number two: if you are older than the person handing out candy, you are too old to be trick or treating. Method number three: desire trumps reason, there is no ‘too old.’
The first two methods simply account for the change in social trends and societal laws. The third method is the most effective, reliable and obvious method in which to approach this question. How old is too old?
Halloween is a holiday where we celebrate the titillation of our amygdala (the section of the brain where the fear emotion is housed) by spooking ourselves with horror movies and haunted houses. We create synthetic rushes with the help of ghosts, goblins, ghouls and most importantly candy. We do this because it is awesome.
It may look strange when an adult old enough to have a teenager is walking down the street dressed as the Red Ranger from “Power Rangers.” Without having a child of their own, it will most likely scare children and adults alike when walking up to trick the neighbors into handing out free candy. However, this is still the celebration of another Hallmark Corporation Holiday. No one is too old to enjoy capitalism and consumerism at its finest.
Parents buy decorations for the house to boost their status in the neighborhood holiday decoration war. They buy endless amounts of candy to hand out to children. They buy sweatshop produced, one-time-use costumes for their children at ten times the price of what it cost to make. Then sugar-addled, pre-adolescent brains are unleashed upon the streets to wreak havoc on unsuspecting doorbells and doorknockers. It is a pastime, a rite of passage and, more importantly, a tradition.
Traditions are typically kept close to the heart. So why then, do we stop the madhouse of Halloween activities when we reach college? Why do only RAs and professors keep bowls of candy just inside the door? Why does the average college student not hand out candy to the drunken passerby on Halloween night?
We need to get back to our roots! We need to remember that it is called Halloween, not Whore-O-Ween. We need to remember that one is never too old to trick or treat, and that University Place, the Suites and any other student filled housing is just as awesome a place to bother your neighbors by pestering them for candy as is our old cul-de-sac.
