[Disclaimer: This article is written for satirical purpose only. All interviews, statements, and statistics are fabricated.]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Freshly confirmed United States Director of National Security Tulsi Gabbard emerged victorious after a contentious confirmation process, now setting her sights on building a new staff.
Recently deposed Syrian dictator Bashar-Al Assad came up in conversations with the press, with Gabbard quickly coming to his defense.
“C’mon guys, I just became Director of National Security. Worse things have happened.”
Before Mr. Assad can become her potential deputy, he must also be confirmed by the Senate, a process that’s only become more split down partisan lines.
However, a host of Republican support has made itself known, with a notable exception being Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, who was quoted as saying, “I struggle to see that Mr. Assad has the country’s best interest at heart,” eliciting a series of collective “oohs” and “ahhs” from his republican colleagues standing nearby.
Mr. Assad was able to be reached for comment via video call from his luxurious Moscow penthouse.
“I think I’d like to work remotely,” he said commenting on work accommodations he said he’s been working with National Security Director Gabbard on.
“I mean, I’m not even allowed in the country, but hopefully I can show President Trump my commitment to the country and get a visa!” he said enthusiastically.
As more of President Trump’s cabinet begins to take shape, the American people are left to wonder just how many deposed Arab dictators will help the president lead the nation into a new age.
