If your relationship is toxic, pack your bags and leave. Suffering in a relationship that is not founded on respect, kindness and communication is not worth it for you or your partner.
A relationship is toxic when those involved feel weighed down and exhausted by their partner. There may be frequent one-sided efforts to make your significant other happy, or a lack of balance with one partner fighting for control over the other.
When your partner isn’t supporting you — perhaps lacking in compassion, patience and honesty — there is a red flag that your relationship is toxic. The book, “Toxic People,” written by psychologist Lillian Glass, delves into this definition by bringing up how in toxic relationships, “there’s competition, there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.” Toxic relationships often show a pattern of mistrust, selfishness and manipulation from one partner to make the other feel inferior.
Other signs of a toxic relationship include actions of jealousy, passions undermined and constant narcissism. Women’s Health Magazine brings up the term “stonewalling” when your significant other shuts you down as you attempt to talk about how you feel. Instead, feelings and issues are approached with denial as mean and demeaning behaviors continue.
Despite one partner apologizing for his/her actions, toxic relationships typically do not change. There is a cycle of toxic behaviors, according to the Envision Counseling and Support Center, that keep each partner trapped. It begins with a toxic partner treating the other poorly, and then apologizing to make the situation better. The couple then enters the “honeymoon phase,” where everything seems to be perfect before becoming tense and toxic again. The only escape from this cycle is to leave the relationship entirely.
By leaving a toxic relationship, you can gain independence and a new perspective on what you experienced. If you leave, you allow yourself to grow and learn. As college students, that’s exactly what we’re supposed to be doing — testing new waters and learning new things about ourselves, not allowing our life and energy to be drained out of us because of the toxic intentions of someone else. By leaving a toxic relationship, you allow room for a new relationship that is happy and fulfilling.
Staying in these toxic relationships with the intention to “work it out” is still extremely unhealthy for one’s mental and physical health. After following 10,000 subjects for 12 years, a Whitehall II study found that unhealthy and toxic relationships lead to greater risk of heart problems, including cardiac arrest, compared to those in happy and healthy relationships.
Choosing to stay in a toxic relationship also leads to social and emotional isolation. The “stonewalling” of your emotions leaves you feeling invalid, stuck and unhappy — the opposite of how you should feel in any romantic relationship.
Leaving a toxic relationship, or any relationship for that matter, is not an easy process. However, by leaving, you show yourself and others your strength. You can leave a toxic relationship for good by making the concrete, final decision to do it. Do not allow your partner to convince you to stay. Be confident in your choice and surround yourself with positive people that will support you.
Leaving your toxic relationship is the first step toward a healthy and happy relationship with yourself and the rest of the world.
