Summer has finally arrived — no more nasty pollen or even nastier school assignments. In the absence of class, however, one type of person is left weeping and without purpose: the annoying know-it-all.
It is like clockwork when a front-row hand shoots up during the semester, as if Hermione Granger took 10 espresso shots that morning. They may babble on for forever, convincing the professor that they have already read the textbook twice and inducing severe eye-rolls from their classmates.
Filling the void where their religious attendance to class once was may be difficult for these over-achievers. With the realization that perhaps life is more than showing off in front of your peers, their life seems to crumble before them. This summer, know-it-alls need other students’ help to survive until the fall semester.
“It’s worse than having a theatre major for a roommate,” public relations major Jasmin Felgueres said. “But instead of constantly hearing ‘Wicked,’ I’m always hearing this person correcting the professor every five minutes.”
They must find something to do for the next two months as they contemplate life, so consider this daring suggestion — invite the know-it-alls to parties.
Who knows, these eager minds could end up being the life of a summer throw down. If they question the academic benefits of partying, remind know-it-alls that there are many positives to summer partying. More importantly, there is no textbook for them to throw in their classmates’ faces when it comes to having a good time.
Unfortunately, there is a high possibility that know-it-alls will be taking advantage of summer courses this year. For students attending classes this summer, it is more than likely they will be sitting next to know-it-alls again.
If that is the case, students should first bring a Super Soaker to class and expertly squirt that kid as soon as their hand comes up. This asserts dominance early and provides a refreshing surprise inside a hot classroom.
Next, consider taking a nap directly behind the person, snoring loudly and with passion. This is more obnoxious than their weirdly specific questions and will divert attention onto you instead.
Lastly, and most effective, avoid summer classes altogether. This eliminates the chance of seeing them and therefore adding years onto your life otherwise lost because of extreme annoyance chipping away at your health.
If the know-it-all is reading this, take this advice and have fun this summer and take a break from the textbooks. The campus will be emotionally rested enough for your return in the fall. You will be able to answer questions comfortably again in autumn, but for now, let summer be summer.
