Ashli Howell, Staff Writer
For introverts, like myself, the holidays can bring a lot more than joy and togetherness. They can also bring anxiety. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. According to Susan Cain, author of “Quiet”, one-third to half of all people are introverted. It is important to note that introversion is not synonymous with shyness. Shyness has to do with fear of social judgment, while introversion is more closely related to the effect that stimulation has. During the holidays, it is common for introverts to feel overwhelmed by all of the social stimulation. That’s because, unlike extroverts, introverts do not crave large amounts of stimulation. Instead, according to Cain, introverts feel most comfortable, alive, and capable when they are alone in quieter, less stimulating settings.
In anticipation of the holidays, I frequently begin to feel anxious and irritated knowing that for an extended period of time there will be a seemingly never ending cycle of social interaction, stimulation, and small talk. There’s Thanksgiving, holiday shopping, Chrismahanukwanzakah, and New Year’s Eve parties. In these situations, introverts, as has been my own experience, feel a great deal of pressure to be extroverted; To be alive and full of energy in situations where there are a great deal of people and lots of different things going on, all while Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” is blasting in the background. I’m here to tell you you don’t have to be an extrovert to enjoy the holidays. I’ve compiled the following list of helpful ways to enjoy the holidays as an introvert:
- Set a balance: According to Marti Olsen Laney, author of “The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World”, “For introverts who have a high level of internal activity, anything coming from the outside raises their intensity level index quickly. It’s kind of like being tickled—the sensation goes from feeling good and fun to ‘too much’ and uncomfortable in a split second.” During the holidays, it is important to find the level of stimulation and social interaction you’re comfortable with. The holidays can be demanding. You take your final bite of pie at your third Thanksgiving dinner and then you’re headed out to go shopping where a mob of people trying to find the perfect gift for someone awaits you. Finding a balance between social interaction, stimulation and solitude that is right for you is crucial. Schedule time for yourself to just be alone; maybe read a book, go to the gym or somewhere else you can find solitude.
- Small talk: The phrase small talk is enough to activate my gag reflex. Introverts typically dislike small talk not because they hate people, but because it feels disingenuous. Laurie Helgoe, author of “Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength”, sums up my feeling about small talk quite nicely; “We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.” To avoid too much small talk, instead of working the room, have conversations with a few people. This way, you can get past the small talk with a few people and progress into more meaningful and genuine conversation.
- Stop the negative self-talk: On the way to social functions, I frequently find that what I intended to be a pep talk turns into something much uglier. It starts out as, “You’re going to be fine and this is going to be fun,” and turns into, “Don’t be an awkward weirdo.” Negative self-talk only causes my anxiety to go from manageable to crippling at warp speed. When you find yourself doing this, focus on your strengths. I can be awkward in social situations, yes, but I can also be funny, kind, and make a mean pecan pie. Find those strengths and when your pep talk turns negative, remember them.
Everyone is different and everyone will have different mechanisms for coping with the stress that the holidays bring. As an introvert, this can be especially difficult, but it can be done. Find what works for you and have a holiday season filled with joy and togetherness and a little less anxiety.
